Eulogy for Joel Resnicoff
Delivered by Rabbi Joseph Brodie, December 30, 1986
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On Jewish holidays, such as Hanukkah, the tradition asks us to forego the "hesped," the eulogy, in
deference to the joyous spirit of the occasion. And yet, with family and friends of Joel Resnicoff here
to pay tribute, at least a few words are in order.
Perhaps the Hanukkah experience itself could serve as a metaphor for describing the struggle which
Joel valiantly waged against overwhelming odds. He was couragious, determined to survive. Together
with his physicians, he used almost every available weapon in the present arsenal of medical
knowledge to battle his affliction. Toward the end, it was clear that only a "nes," only a miracle, could
have helped him. But even the sages remarked, almost 2000 years ago, "ayn somekh al hanes," one
can't rely on miracles. And on Sunday, the second day of Hanukkah, Joel died. He died, as he lived,
with dignity. He died in the presence of a loving family who was with him in every sense, to the end.
Certainly Joel's strength was in large measure due to his own character. But the role of his family,
particularly the role of his mother, cannot be too heavily underscored. I would call it heroic. Not only
was she with him in the hospital room 24 hours a day during that final three weeks, to attend to his
every need, but she stood by him during the entire span of his illness, helping him cope, both
physically and emotionally.
When Joel was still in St. Vincent's during the first few months, I met with Arnie and his mother for
dinner one night, and witnessed first-hand their determination to see Joel through every trial -- she
gave him every ounce of her energy and her love.
I am told that when the end was near, Joel accepted the fact that death was at hand. He
acknowledged the love and care which had given him strength to endure. To the very last, despite the
fears and the pain, he would often smile and make others smile. Perhaps his father, Jack, of blessed
memory, was his model for showing how to put the best face on any situation. Jack, too, despite his
infirmities, had the ability to give so much, even as he was in need of help from others.
But, certainly the true measure of Joel's life is not to dwell on the anguish of his final illness -- nothing
could be further from his essence. Those who knew him best, knew him for his bursts of creative
energy and his sense of aesthetics which, when combined, produced works of beauty.
I remember Joel as best man at Arnie and Barbara's wedding. So out-going, so vivacious, so good
looking, and, as Barbara remarked yesterday, the best dancer in the family. Joel explored life in its
every aspect -- he was a searcher and an experimenter. Joel's mother recalls how from one time to
the next, she would see what his hair style would be like -- often reflecting where he was in his search
for the ultimate.
Joel had friends from around the world -- one of whom has come to join us in sorrow from as far
away as Italy. Joel's career, first as commercial artist, then as fashion illustrator, and finally as fashion
designer for Esprit, was just taking off. His colorful artwork displayed in picures, posters, and cards
-- especially his humorous cards of New York, were a delight.
Joel's creativity was complemented by his sense of humanity -- Steve called it a heightened sense of
awareness and concern for others -- which touched business associates as well as family and friends
-- often making friends of business associates. It was touching to hear that when Arnie called the
office of Esprit to tell them it was no longer necessary to continue sending flowers, the secretary who
knew Joel burst into tears. Joel touched many people, and his presence enriched many lives, including
the life of his eldest niece -- the niece who therefore knew him best -- Malka, who was so proud to
wear a tee-shirt designed by Uncle Joel. Her fond memories will last for a lifetime.
One hallmark of tragedy is often the lack of a sense of real leavetaking: that missed opportunity to
express one's love and appreciation to loved ones; the missed opportunity to come to peace with
one's self and one's accomplishments.
If there is a small consolation in Joel's premature and tragic death, it is at least that he was granted the
opportunity for a sense of closure.
Toward the end, I am told, it was Joel who comforted his physicians by assuring them that they had
not failed him. He consoled his family, urging them not to be sad because in his brief years he had
given something of beauty to the world. And it was Joel in his last days, who, treasuring his family
relationships, comforted his mother and his brothers by saying that something good had come out of
all their pain and suffering -- for they were all in it together.
So, on Sunday, when his time came, Joel was ready. He is at peace. Blanche, Arnie and Barbara,
Steven and Gita, you have borne your suffering bravely and with dignity. May God grant you that last
measure of courage to come through this tragedy. May Joel's memory be for a blessing.